The Universal Loving Kindness exercise:
May all individuals gain freedom from suffering.
May all individuals find sustained health, happiness, and wholesness.
May I assist all individuals in gaining freedom from suffering.
May I assist all individuals in finding health, happiness, and wholeness.
This is my intention and has been and will continue to be. I think being a parent allows us to practice and learn this lesson daily. My integral assessment began at a point that I have been trying to come to terms with for the last year. I decided to start here because this area is a daily occurance and a daily reminder of how I exclude myself. This habit has kept me in denial of what is bothering me, and my greatest friend when it comes to procrastination. Sometimes it includes me in social situations and at other times it will deny me the company of others. It has been a way to keep me distant from family and friends. This habit has kept me from truly being a part of anothers suffering. Sometimes when it is hard to detach from the suffering of others I can exclude myself . I am denied my health, my self esteem, my confidence. I am a strong confident courages women except for taking on this one habit. My health is very good, my outlook on life is very good and no one knows the depth of my despair on having and keeping this habit. This habit is smoking. Many times I will smoke and don't even enjoy it. It is what has been my excuse, my refuge, my friend and enemy. I am aware of the source of my suffering and know that if I can climb this mountain (make this mountain a mole hill) I can futher flourish and develop my inner life to help others in their struggle to release their suffering and help them on their journey to wholeness. My daily intentions begin with being mindful of when and why I smoke. I intend to continue with yoga and meditation. I believe the shift will come and it will be easier than I am making it out to be. I intend to change my perception of what quitting will be like and look at what being a non smoker will be like.
Hey there, it is great that you can come to the point of seeing that smoking has been causing you so much despair. I do hope that you will further flourish into being the person that you truly want to be. Just a thought, as I was reading your post, I also wondered if you might benefit from speaking to a professional like a therapist about exploring why you do what you do even though you do not enjoy it. Fot me, at times when I do things I do not understand, it has helped for me to speak to a professional to see where I was coming from. Just a thought:)
ReplyDeleteJoyce,
ReplyDeleteI was sitting in your same shoes in 1990. I was suffering from a chronic sinus infection when the doctor I saw told me that it was a sinus infection--an allergic reaction to the cigarette smoke and one day I would go into anaphylatic shock and would not be able to come out of it. A friend who was studying pre-med took me into observe an autopsy of a chronic smoker and see a patient who was suffering from COPD. This patient had to basically worship an oxygen bottle to get a breath of air. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, picturing myself with an oxygen tank as my shadow inorder to breath. I then ran my cigarettes down the dispose-all in my kitchen sink so I would not be able to dig them out of the trash. I now cannot stand to be around a smoker. My lungs look perfect now on an x-ray and I occassionally get sinus problems but nearly as bad as before. I feel much better. It may seem like an huge summit to cross but remember that when moving a mountain it has to start with the firsat shovelful of dirt but with determination and perseverence you can move this mountain. You are the one to make the decision for you.